The Engineer Who Thought He Could Write

I recently listened to a pod cast from Writing Excuses in which a writing instructor confirmed my belief that anyone can learn to write professionally. He did say, however, that for those without natural talent it might be like learning to swim without arms. I think that reading my book might be like watching a person trying to swim without arms. You might be tempted to ask why I'm in the pool in the first place, why almost drown when life on solid ground has so much to offer. I think in previous post I've expressed enough of the "why" that to do so again might get tedious. Instead I'd like to present insight in what this effort has brought to me.

Before embarking on this amazing expedition (and still way too much today) the joke, "I'm an Engeneer Enginere Ingenear good with math," applies painfully well to me. In fact most of the poor communication skill stereotypes were my life. I liked the term "socially independent" over other terms and I'm not necessarily "shy" per-say. But it has been, sometimes more than others, easier for me to do what I like on my own as opposed to having to interact with others. It is somewhat funny to joke about the ways that guys tend to bond in general, with as little said as possible -- just being in the same place and doing the same kinds of things in proximity to others.

With so much stacked against me, failure is of course inevitable (at least for the first seven years). Unfortunately even after those seven years of hard work, I might just barely be comparable to a teenager writing his first book. But I do see improvement (and drastic improvement over how I started). I still see a lot more that I have to learn, but since I'm making progress (however slow) I know that I can do this.

For me it might be like running my first marathon, learning a second or third language,  (though significantly harder and a lot more time consuming than all of those) or flying to the moon (which I haven't yet done). But I do love a challenge. I love the quote, "It's better to shoot for the stars and miss than shoot for a mud puddle and hit it."

I remember loving Leonardo da Vinci as a child and being disappointed when as a teenager I was told that those days are long gone. Today, I was told, a person has to learn depth to succeed and learning breadth would only cause more problems for earning a living.

I also love hearing about great pioneers like George Washington Carver. I remember once being upset that I wasn't born with more hardships that I had to overcome so that I could shine as bright as he and others like him. I've learned from writing that the best stories are those in which the main character has a lot of challenges to overcome. Many writing instructors say that "conflict," and how the characters deal with it, is the story. I'm certain that this is true of the stories we write of our lives (the process of living) as well.

Leonardo da Vinci once said, "It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things." So in that spirit I have learned, more and more now, how to find the challenges that might be the biggest for me and learn how to tackle them.

So while I might still look like I'm trying to be the biggest freak in the show, and still doing miserably bad at that, I love that I'm gaining friends along the way. I love that I'm getting better at sharing ideas, dreams, hopes and heartaches.  I love being out and doing something, and something that might have some value (I loved learning chess, but I think I can see this as being much more useful). I love the challenge; I love breaking myself against this until I can finally see some change.

So while it still might be a long while before I could make a living at writing, I can see myself torturing you with my writing for a long time to come -- at least until you can see the brilliance of it all (: .

And if you don't know how to help me, and would rather advert you're eyes from my pathetic flailing until I finally reach the majestic state of famous author, I can understand. But if you want to be remembered as one of those who knew me back when my writing was worse than hairy tomatoes on pickled rye toast, to gain bragging rights of being one of the first believers -- one who saw the brilliance before it became clear to the rest of the world, now is the time join with me. Join my conspiracy to take over the world with amazing literature. It might be a little painful at times, but I think it's a lot of fun.

Dream Great Things Out Loud...

It's scary putting yourself out there, daring the impossible. The chances of failure are inescapable, but the great dreamers don't let that slow them down. The inspirational stories of people from Thomas Edison to Michael Jordan help to lift us up above our failures to still believe in spite of overwhelming evidence that tries to persuade us that we can't.

Sometimes when we look at those examples we like to ignore the thousands of more examples of those that kept trying and still failed. Though with Don Quijote as the fictional epitomization of this, they too can rightly be admired for their zeal and unconquerable spirit. However, it is a lot more pleasant, when dreaming, to imagine that success is at the end as opposed to just admiration.

I have a theory on how to make dreams, no matter how impossible they may seem, a reality.

Of course, with me being who I am, I'm going to explain it all in terms of conspiracies. (It's just too much more fun for me that way.)

In the esoteric terms of conspiracies: the mystical Gnosticism and the cabalistic Jewish mysticism have frequently been said to be hidden in Mormonism. Hidden, because actual mormon scholars (as opposed to "armchair quarterback" scholars such as myself) look like they might be discouraged from going down that path of finding those connections to Mormonism. However with both systems the emphasis is in getting to know God by becoming like God. (Already you might see why the Gnostics were hunted in early christianity as heretics.)

In terms of dreaming big, I can't imagine any bigger. It is sufficient, even if you don't believe in God, to visualize a theoretic embodiment of all desirable traits in their perfected from. We can use either for this discussion. I think that we might also need to specify God as devoid of all undesirable traits -- and thus the embodiment of perfect. From here we should easily agree on how far into to the realm of impossible it is to dream for such a accomplishment for ourselves. However, I will quote here from Matthew 5:48 a commandment to all christians to chase such dreams, "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father [God] which is in heaven is perfect."

Now, having set the bar as high as it can possibly go, I should add (for fun) that the mystic systems also incorporate godly power to achieve the otherwise impossible. In fact it is usually for these "magical" powers that people search out the esoteric understanding of these mystical systems. It's probably because of that attraction that Nephi (the Book of Mormon prophet that came from Judea) went out of his way to avoid talking in terms of the Jewish traditions associated with the Kabbala, even when spending two chapters on the tree of life. But since he chose instead to talk plainly ("For my soul delighteth in plainness..." 2 Nephi 31:3) it may actually be easier to piece together these powers and not just dream the impossible dream but live it.

To temporarily obfuscate the matter, I propose that the Tower of Babble was an intellectual pursuit such as the understanding of the Kabbala for personal aggrandizement -- an attempt to find a short cut to heaven, by selecting just those parts of godliness that seemed more desirable (like gaining absolute power without first obtaining the wisdom to use it properly). And being that clarity, or plainness, is essential in not only defining each goal but also in finding the path to obtain those goals, with the "success" of the Tower of Babble came all of the fallen languages of the Earth. That is why English is so tough -- because it was designed in place of clarity, in order to create esoterica. (The English language is part of the conspiracy to keep us from reaching our goals. ;} )

Hopefully that's sufficient to emphasize the first part of my theory on obtaining any goal: clarity. Clearly defined goals and actionable, measurable steps that lead to them is empowering.

The second element in achieving the impossible, is attitude. The two prophets that help create a spectrum of understanding on this are Joseph of Egypt and Jonah (and the whale). Because Joseph took each obstacle (being sold as a slave, thrown in prison, ...) in stride without complaining but instead making the most of it -- it's easy to see why he eventually became the second in command in all of Egypt. And Jonah, who was pretty close to the opposite in terms of attitude, was rightly thrown from the ship in the middle of a storm in an attempt to save the lives of those on board.

And the way to find that clarity and proper attitude is Love. (Love is of course the key. In fact most of Matthew 5, mentioned above, is about love.) I'd write another long treatise on this but I think I'll let my past blog post on the matter suffice for now.

Perhaps another element is "don't dream stupid dreams" but stupid dreams seem to at least partially work for Don Quijote. So I'll try not to step on your dreams even if I think they're dumb. A guy has to be free to find out for himself how silly his dreams are.

With as much as I've been able to judge so far, these elements seem to be working. It looks as though I'm getting closer to my dreams. Even if I can't make it as a writer, yet, I love my job and the people I'm working with. It's tough being in a different state than my family, but they should be moving out this way soon. And for the most part, I think we're doing well and getting better.

(I'm also thinking of re-marketing my book as "more life changing than The Celestine Prophecy" -- that might be a better niche for me than YA conspiracy. But I'm still feeling my way blindly through this process.)