Dad, my favorite Don Quijote

My Dad shaped so much of my life, he was my greatest living hero.

We knew he was dying months before he died and I was supposed to write something like this before he died so that he could read it himself. I couldn't bring myself to write it then. I don't know that I will ever be good enough at writing to capture how much he means to me. And I think he knew better than I could ever express how I feel about him. But I think I need to do this for me and those that want to understand me better.

I didn't (and don't) feel sorrow for losing him. That's not an emotion that I feel very much. Perhaps that's sociopathic of me. But I do get teary eyed when I think about how much he means to me and how grateful I am that he is, and always will be, such a big part of my life.

He was such Don Quijote, chasing wild dreams that perhaps could never possibly be realized. He love reading about great people from history. While reading about Benjamin Franklin and a large compilation of Franklin's own writings he discovered that Benjamin Franklin wanted to write a book called, "The Art of Virtue." He loved how Franklin had captured such essential ideas on how one needs to frame their thinking to avoid self-deception and to open one's mind to think more clearly and more productively. My dad did an amazing job of capturing these ideas in The Art of Virtue. But it is by no means an easy book to read. It's packed with ideas that might seem easy on the surface but that can take life times to master.

As my dad looked at these virtues of early American founding fathers and compared their examples to many of the problems we face today in America, he discovered what he called the "Missing Piece of Education." He worried that the education system of today isn't designed to create the kind of greatness that could be found in Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, or other great leaders of the past.

He died virtually unknown to the world, while being the most amazing champion of greatness that I have ever known. I can only image what it must have felt like for him, to have fought his whole life for something like these ideals and never feel like he really got anywhere with them.

I think that if you look at each of his children you can see how each of us imperfectly try to live up to these ideals of greatness.

Right before he died he wrote a wonderful review for my book publicly, but privately told me how he didn't like my book. He didn't like how flashy I made greatness look. Greatness, he told me is so much more subtle. It's found in the people that are often passed over and over looked. It's the kind of story that isn't exciting -- it's the mom that's lovingly taking care of three kids who are all screaming at the same time, or the dad that's struggling to make ends meet, or the son that's trying to fit in at school. ... It's found in so many places that aren't glamorous or even fun. It was and is my dad.

O the critic

I've finally gotten my first customer reviews. There's something about the positive feedback that's so totally intoxicating. The first was from my dad, which means something to me. But with all of them, whether posted or not, I love hearing good reviews. I love how it helps me to quiet the inner critic in me that keeps telling me that I'm not good enough, that I have too much to learn, that I'll never make it. I know that when I read reviews of other books where readers seem to resonate with the author I tend to get more out of reading those books. It helps me to see what they enjoyed and got out of it. I know that it takes a fair amount of effort to write a review so I extremely thankful to those that have done that for me.

I'm also excited about receiving the more critical responses, that help keep me more grounded and guide me to know what it is that I need to work on so that I can reach my goals. I know that I have a lot still to learn about writing, so I'm glad to get a better idea on where to focus my efforts in improving.

One of the reasons that I love the title, "Discipulus Secretus," is because it forces this book to be more hidden, more of a discovery. It also tends to put readers into more of defensive position so that their not as likely to wonder into it unprepared. I don't want people to be disappointed once they pick up this book. I know it's bound to happen. I don't know of an author that has had universal and unanimous love by all readers. But it's still sad to find out that someone didn't like it for what ever reason.

I know that most readers come to a book rooting for the author's success. There might be some that look instinctively for all of the flaws, but I think on the whole they come hoping for the best. So when that trust is broken, it's heart breaking for me as an author. Yet, I'm glad to hear what they have to say, so that I can get better. I'm glad to find the most important ways in which I can improve as an author. The fact that it also warns other potential readers is a mixed blessing because I don't want others to come and be disappointed by what they find. If I could learn to write in such a way that everyone could universally love my writing that, of course, would be ideal. And I don't mind as much living in a fantasy world (believing that this is possible) because, hey, I'm an author and fictional worlds are what I love to live in.

The magic in my story

For my Discipulus Secretus series I wanted to create a world that was close enough to reality that readers might wonder how much of it could be true. I wanted to blur the lines some between fiction and reality. Having loved The De Vinci Code, I thought that part of the magic of that story was that sense of blurred reality. I intentionally chose my conspiracies and magic based on this principle of having my pretend world look like it could be real.

I picked a magic system that I hoped could spark more of sense of wonder and imagination because it might look more believable. I figured that a lot of the fun in reading a book like this would be in imagining that it could happen. I picked a system that a reader might at least easily see as something that others might come close to already believing in.

I've realized, however, that in doing this, in creating a world "too close to home," that it might trigger in some emotional barriers. While I intended to spark imagination and fuel the excitement and adventure, I may have inadvertently knocked against strong barriers of psychological discomfort. The word, "Mormon," alone can have strong visceral meaning associated with it that instantly raises large defenses of impenetrable strength.

With my love of many of the fictional iconizations of Catholicism, I was excited to have the opportunity to help draw and define a fictional Mormonism. Where as "ancient" and/or perhaps "lost" texts can be found while searching through one of these fictional Catholic libraries in exciting stories of the supernatural, Mormonism offered a different path for me with it's additional scriptures and promise of restored ancient truths. The fictional dramatization of this into a world of mystery, mysticism, and deception was exciting to me and I hoped to capture the imagination of those reading this into my new world of fantasy and adventure.

I should have realized that with similarities to The De Vinci Code and The Golden Compass that I was starting to tread on sensitive subjects for some readers who might have loved the same story much more if told from a completely different context, without it being so "close to home (perhaps)." I was intrigued by how much I loved The Golden Compass and didn't take into account, as much as I should have, the readers that it did alienated. I don't want readers to be kicked out of the story because of concern or worry about how some of these issues are handled. At the same time I love making loud noises and shaking things up, at least in this literary sense. I can't imagine having written this book with a different, more fictional or fantastic, world or magic system. So I'm afraid that even though I want to apologize for any bruised or injured feelings that I may have caused by creating this fictional world of mine, I'm still going to keep it where it is.

I am thinking, though, that instead of writing the sequel next, I want to write a horror novel that is based on this same world structure. I think that will help ease readers into this imaginary world better by taking a couple of steps back from religion and just exploring the magic. I think it will also help me as a writer as well, improving all of my writing skills that are needed to write a successful horror.
(And I don't think I'll take it as personally when readers are turned off because they don't like horror.)

Final editing is done!

I know that Steven King says that if it takes you longer than five years to get your book out that you're just lollygagging, but I definitely had a lot more to learn about writing than Steven King did. And though I had tried to publish this same title with a minimal about of out-of-pocket expenses, I realized that if I wanted other people to invest even a couple of dollars in this that I needed to invest everything I could into it. I still feel overwhelmed by the whole process and worry that even when I invest everything I can into it that it still might not be good enough. I guess that's just the human process. I love the book that has come out of this process. I still have a ton more to learn about writing and publishing, but I'm hoping that the rate at which I am learning is increasing.

I hope to get the next book in the series done in much less than one third of the time it took me to write this one and with even better quality. I love writing enough that I still think I would love doing it full time. To do that I think that I would have to be selling at least 50,000 books a year. That takes some top notch writing to get to that level. I hear that in order to sell 10,000 books of a given title, it takes being in the top three percent of all authors.

I feel somewhat like Naruto, with my dreams and aspirations being so much bigger than me that they might be laughable. But I love his unconquerable spirit. Fortunately in my case I don't have anyone fighting against me. Any criticism that I receive has the potential to make me better, closer to reaching my dreams. As I stand on the brink of receiving a lot of criticism (I hope I get a fare number of reviews back), it is a bit daunting. I think I can handle it all though, but whether it is brave of me or just naive I'll have to find out.

As a promotion, this weekend from Thursday, Nov 13, through Saturday, Nov 15, the Kindle version of this book will be free. Please download a copy and tell anyone else that might be interested.

http://www.amazon.com/Discipulus-Secretus-Discovery-Hidden-Order-ebook/dp/B00BOO4Z66/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1415736406&sr=8-1&keywords=discipulus+secretus

The Light of Truth

Having seen friends making different choices in their beliefs, and wanting to understand where truth is, I have spent a long time trying to piece together what I have found. I think we fist need a common definition of "truth," so let's call it the laws of nature, those things that are universal, that don't change from person to person. I think that it is probably clear to everyone who would read this that not all information is based on truth. People, in general, wether intentionally or not, have biases which color what they say and do. I believe that this is primarily because of our limited perspective. As far as I can tell, it is impossible to escape one's own perspective -- though there are those that do a much better job than others at understanding different perspectives.

And coming to understand the truth with only a limited perspective is like the story of the three blind men that encounter an elephant and each think it to be something completely different: one holding the tail thinks it is like a rope, one holding it's trunk thinks it is like a snake, while the third, holding it's leg thinks it is like a tree. With so much of life like this example, it is no wonder that it seems that common sense isn't all that common. In fact, I can see why it is so difficult for people coming from different backgrounds to understand and appreciate those differences. Having read "Team of Rivals," I am very impressed with Abraham Lincoln's ability to have done so well.

I came across this article, Faith, Reason, Knowledge, and Truth, and realized how sad it is that there are so many that tend to turn away from "faith". I think a good deal of this has to do with a misunderstanding of faith, and what faith is. I don't think that this article did good job of reconciling faith with knowledge, and helping one to understand the value of faith. I think it does a good job of explaining why people tend to turn away from faith, and the kinds of impressions people might have of faith. For example, I think that some people think of faith as a way to explain things that they don't understand, or at least think that is how others use faith.

For me it is easier to come to an understanding of faith by learning about what I call the "light of Christ." In LDS, or Mormon, theology the "light of Christ" is given to all people to recognize truth. That "Ah ha!" moment when you finally understand something, that moment when it's like a light is turned on in your mind and things become clear and falls into place -- that is part of what I call the "light of Christ." It's also frequently called inspiration, and whether you believe in my religion or not, whether you believe it comes for God or not, or even if you believe in God or not, it's a universal means of recognizing truth. Those people that learn to recognize that gut feeling of truth and follow it, like Einstein, Galileo, and others can help the world to see those truths. While without it, we can easily get lost in our own logic and lead ourselves to believe the world is flat, or the Earth is the center of the universe, ...

So from this perspective, faith is important because it shows how one can revolutionize the world, because it allows one to see and recognize truth long before they can prove it. According to Joseph Smith, faith is the principle of action in all intelligent beings. If people didn't believe that whatever action they were taking was going to lead to certain results that they desired then they wouldn't act in that way. From this perspective then, it is good to have faith, for example, in the scientific method. By using this method and others it is easier to sort out what forms of faith are just delusional beliefs in things that aren't true from those types of faith that lead to success.

Understanding how to put ones ego aside to recognize the differences between it and the "light of truth," or inspiration, is goal and path that I hope we don't lose sight of. I hope that as we gain more knowledge, that this knowledge is well founded in wisdom, so that we continue to grow and learn. Let us not discount the power of faith in anything that we do.