O the critic

I've finally gotten my first customer reviews. There's something about the positive feedback that's so totally intoxicating. The first was from my dad, which means something to me. But with all of them, whether posted or not, I love hearing good reviews. I love how it helps me to quiet the inner critic in me that keeps telling me that I'm not good enough, that I have too much to learn, that I'll never make it. I know that when I read reviews of other books where readers seem to resonate with the author I tend to get more out of reading those books. It helps me to see what they enjoyed and got out of it. I know that it takes a fair amount of effort to write a review so I extremely thankful to those that have done that for me.

I'm also excited about receiving the more critical responses, that help keep me more grounded and guide me to know what it is that I need to work on so that I can reach my goals. I know that I have a lot still to learn about writing, so I'm glad to get a better idea on where to focus my efforts in improving.

One of the reasons that I love the title, "Discipulus Secretus," is because it forces this book to be more hidden, more of a discovery. It also tends to put readers into more of defensive position so that their not as likely to wonder into it unprepared. I don't want people to be disappointed once they pick up this book. I know it's bound to happen. I don't know of an author that has had universal and unanimous love by all readers. But it's still sad to find out that someone didn't like it for what ever reason.

I know that most readers come to a book rooting for the author's success. There might be some that look instinctively for all of the flaws, but I think on the whole they come hoping for the best. So when that trust is broken, it's heart breaking for me as an author. Yet, I'm glad to hear what they have to say, so that I can get better. I'm glad to find the most important ways in which I can improve as an author. The fact that it also warns other potential readers is a mixed blessing because I don't want others to come and be disappointed by what they find. If I could learn to write in such a way that everyone could universally love my writing that, of course, would be ideal. And I don't mind as much living in a fantasy world (believing that this is possible) because, hey, I'm an author and fictional worlds are what I love to live in.

The magic in my story

For my Discipulus Secretus series I wanted to create a world that was close enough to reality that readers might wonder how much of it could be true. I wanted to blur the lines some between fiction and reality. Having loved The De Vinci Code, I thought that part of the magic of that story was that sense of blurred reality. I intentionally chose my conspiracies and magic based on this principle of having my pretend world look like it could be real.

I picked a magic system that I hoped could spark more of sense of wonder and imagination because it might look more believable. I figured that a lot of the fun in reading a book like this would be in imagining that it could happen. I picked a system that a reader might at least easily see as something that others might come close to already believing in.

I've realized, however, that in doing this, in creating a world "too close to home," that it might trigger in some emotional barriers. While I intended to spark imagination and fuel the excitement and adventure, I may have inadvertently knocked against strong barriers of psychological discomfort. The word, "Mormon," alone can have strong visceral meaning associated with it that instantly raises large defenses of impenetrable strength.

With my love of many of the fictional iconizations of Catholicism, I was excited to have the opportunity to help draw and define a fictional Mormonism. Where as "ancient" and/or perhaps "lost" texts can be found while searching through one of these fictional Catholic libraries in exciting stories of the supernatural, Mormonism offered a different path for me with it's additional scriptures and promise of restored ancient truths. The fictional dramatization of this into a world of mystery, mysticism, and deception was exciting to me and I hoped to capture the imagination of those reading this into my new world of fantasy and adventure.

I should have realized that with similarities to The De Vinci Code and The Golden Compass that I was starting to tread on sensitive subjects for some readers who might have loved the same story much more if told from a completely different context, without it being so "close to home (perhaps)." I was intrigued by how much I loved The Golden Compass and didn't take into account, as much as I should have, the readers that it did alienated. I don't want readers to be kicked out of the story because of concern or worry about how some of these issues are handled. At the same time I love making loud noises and shaking things up, at least in this literary sense. I can't imagine having written this book with a different, more fictional or fantastic, world or magic system. So I'm afraid that even though I want to apologize for any bruised or injured feelings that I may have caused by creating this fictional world of mine, I'm still going to keep it where it is.

I am thinking, though, that instead of writing the sequel next, I want to write a horror novel that is based on this same world structure. I think that will help ease readers into this imaginary world better by taking a couple of steps back from religion and just exploring the magic. I think it will also help me as a writer as well, improving all of my writing skills that are needed to write a successful horror.
(And I don't think I'll take it as personally when readers are turned off because they don't like horror.)

Final editing is done!

I know that Steven King says that if it takes you longer than five years to get your book out that you're just lollygagging, but I definitely had a lot more to learn about writing than Steven King did. And though I had tried to publish this same title with a minimal about of out-of-pocket expenses, I realized that if I wanted other people to invest even a couple of dollars in this that I needed to invest everything I could into it. I still feel overwhelmed by the whole process and worry that even when I invest everything I can into it that it still might not be good enough. I guess that's just the human process. I love the book that has come out of this process. I still have a ton more to learn about writing and publishing, but I'm hoping that the rate at which I am learning is increasing.

I hope to get the next book in the series done in much less than one third of the time it took me to write this one and with even better quality. I love writing enough that I still think I would love doing it full time. To do that I think that I would have to be selling at least 50,000 books a year. That takes some top notch writing to get to that level. I hear that in order to sell 10,000 books of a given title, it takes being in the top three percent of all authors.

I feel somewhat like Naruto, with my dreams and aspirations being so much bigger than me that they might be laughable. But I love his unconquerable spirit. Fortunately in my case I don't have anyone fighting against me. Any criticism that I receive has the potential to make me better, closer to reaching my dreams. As I stand on the brink of receiving a lot of criticism (I hope I get a fare number of reviews back), it is a bit daunting. I think I can handle it all though, but whether it is brave of me or just naive I'll have to find out.

As a promotion, this weekend from Thursday, Nov 13, through Saturday, Nov 15, the Kindle version of this book will be free. Please download a copy and tell anyone else that might be interested.

http://www.amazon.com/Discipulus-Secretus-Discovery-Hidden-Order-ebook/dp/B00BOO4Z66/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1415736406&sr=8-1&keywords=discipulus+secretus