The Love Conspiracy

You knew I would eventually get to this, it's too big a conspiracy to pass up, and with it being Valentine's Day....

I know that in true Illuminati and conspiracy fashion I should start by pointing to archaic history of the word to help motivate you to realize the magnitude of this conspiracy, but I think this conspiracy has touched everyone so deeply that no introductory words are necessary. Though you may wonder which of all of the myriad of love conspiracies I have chosen to talk about.

As a still aspiring author, with one book published, I think it important to start by pointing out how frequently ill-defined the word "love" is: "an intense feeling of deep affection," "a quality or feeling of strong or constant affection for...," "warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion," etc. Most definitions focus on a bio-chemical reaction stimulated by glands in the body that generate a feeling of pleasure. I'm pretty sure that there are drugs out there that you could find that would simulate even the most intense of these types of euphoria, though I wouldn’t prescribe them.

I don't mean to discount that elation of looking into someone's eyes and seeing an eternity of beauty, grace, and perfection. After years of living together, raising children, and sharing dreams with all of the inevitable arguments that have come and gone, it is amazing to still be able to hold that one companion who has remained undaunted through it all and still see all the reasons I'd go through every bit of it again just to spend that time together.

And the pride that swells in my heart as I look at my teenage son, as he finishes high school and prepares to go out into the world, fills me with such gratitude to have been a small part of his accomplishments. The cascade of neuro-feedback proves that I was genetically programmed to live for these kinds of successes in life. It's understandable that love might be described in terms of deep emotion.

With the younger children it's even easier to be filled with excitement and joy just seeing them have fun and laugh. So why would I focus on the error in terminology when I clearly feel the tremendous pull of sentiment just thinking about each of my family members?

It's because I've a failed, more than I'd like to admit. I'm fairly good with failure and try to learn as much as I can from it. I'm even sometimes good at learning from other peoples failures and successes. But the terminology currently used for love makes it too easy to shift the blame.

Now for the esoteric references. Joseph Smith once talked about how one can become great, he said, "Elevate, benefit, and bless others first.  If you will elevate others, the very work itself will exalt you.  Upon no other plan can a man justly and permanently aggrandize himself."

This means that any efforts I take to make something of myself that aren't focused on how I can help others ends up as foolishness. Or put more poetically, "Love is the only true success."

When one further looks at one of his successor's words, these given by Pres. David O. McKay, "No Other Success Can Compensate for Failure in the Home." One can see how love is clearly the key, but only when one has the correct understanding of what that love is.

I might feel an bio-chemical high because of the success I see at work or some place. And that feeling of elation might, according to popular consensus, be defined as "love." But if I don't have a correct understanding of love I might end up putting more time and energy where I feel like I'm getting more in return, and miss out on so much more. It is amazing the kinds of rewards that come from families, but most of these come with their fair share of pain as well.

There have been too many times that I've failed as a husband or father. Love, in the context mentioned above, isn't always convenient and sometimes not even pleasant. There is a good reason that it is frequently connected to sacrifice. Sleepless nights, arguments over rules, worries about finances and futures..., I wish I was better at always looking first for ways that I could help. I know how painful it is growing up, even as a dad. And sometimes I've wanted something in return for all of that effort. But I've come to realize now that with love, if I'm looking for something in return, or it's diminished because of unmet expectations, then I'm not doing it right.

I'm sorry for all of the times I've gotten upset over a bad grade or what ever perceived failure I saw in one family member or another. I can see now how much better it would have been to have been more supportive and understanding. I wish I had done more to help them rise above the disappointment than feel the extra burden of discouragement.

I'm sorry for all of the times that I gave up on trying to encourage something different because I got tired of the resistance I felt. I wish I hadn't been so selfish with my time that I justified my actions by focusing on my own personal improvement, just hoping that they would see what I was trying to suggest.

I'm sorry for being lazy, or rude, or for not listening more attentively.

I'm sorry that during those times when I was trying to become better at exercise, or learning, or such that I missed opportunities to become better at love.

There may be other conspiracies (of which YouTube might play a role) that are currently keep us apart (and do I love my day job), but I look forward to the day when I can spend more time together again with my family (and even live in the same state). And one of these days I hope I can become an expert of this, the most important trait of all -- love.